I hope this post doesn't offend anyone... I have been debating about even putting something up, but I feel that I have to. It's about subservient women. There was a scene the other day in a department store I just cannot get out of my mind:
Marsha and I were at Ross (her favorite place on Earth), and I went into the dressing room to try on this nice khaki coat thing (which I ended up buying). When I was looking at the coat in the mirror, this lady came out of one of the rooms. She said to the sales lady: "Are these pants supposed to be this high?" Sales lady: "Yes, they are high-waters... I don't really like them, but some people do". Lady: "Well I can't buy these-my husband would kill me". And she ran back into her room to change.
** Her husband would kill her?! For wearing high-waters?! For showing like 3 inches of her leg?! (I assume "killing her" was not literal, but taken to mean he would be furious... I hope that's what it meant).
The other story I heard was from an older lady I know (I am not mentioning names) who said that when she and her husband were married, he would not let her wear red. I said why not? And she said that she looked too good in it, and he wouldn't let her be seen looking that good. I was stunned. Needless to say, this husband ended up cheating on this woman, and now, many years later, she is better off without him.
Is it that these guys are so insecure that they are dominating their women? I can tell you right now that I would rather stay single the rest of my life than live like that. NO WAY would I tolerate having a husband like that. I even know of women whose husbands cheat on them (over and over again), but take them back and do everything they can to make the marriage work even if it wasn't their fault to begin with. They will rush home to make them lunch, or buy them things, or whatever.... anything to keep this marriage alive. And the thing is that these women are intelligent, pretty, funny, and have a lot going for them. Why should they have to put up with some loser who doesn't respect them?
The reason I said that I hope this post didn't offend anyone was that I know there are women out there right now that may be reading this and are experiencing these same issues (maybe even some of my friends, and I don't know it), and I didn't want to demean them or anything. I just don't understand how women can stand that kind of treatment. No one should have to "obey" their husbands, but I know some do for whatever reason or another. It just baffles me to no end, is all. Comments welcome.
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5 comments:
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you'd rather be single the rest of your life than live like that. You and I both know too many women who, for whatever lame-brained reason (or most likely a society-dictated notion), cannot function without a man. Maybe if we could stop pushing this so-called "American dream" of Mom, Dad, the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids and a dog, and start accepting that life is more fulfilling when you live it for you. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and often, it crosses bloodlines. I know from living away from the relatives that I have close friends here that I would do anything for because they are like family to me. (And that was before Jason moved here, in case you were thinking, "what about your husband?")
When will people get it that significant others are not property? And might I add that in the marriage vows, while one is supposed to obey their spouse, they are also supposed to respect and love each other. You can't love someone so much that you forget to love yourself, too.
Sorry for the long comment. Ok, rant over.
Hi Janice
Well yes. Its a problem of life. Some women have a harder time letting go than others, and its a thing where if the guy is not mean all the time, the women see that good side and think there is hope. There may be or may be not. I have no idea. I am not good with this topic at all...but I guess I can see both sides. Don't hate the player, hate the game I guess.
Marsha
Janice I don't think I responded in a good way. Let me try this. I think in marriage, both people should love and respect each other.
I think that that doesn't always happen, so what we see is this skewed relationship with one person taking and demanding and pouting and the other person giving and acquiesing, hoping that their marriage will be good as it really should be.
I think all we can do is work our hardest to ensure that we don't lose ourselves as Erin says. We should continue to find joy in the things we like to do and who we are as a person and not as an extension of a man in a marriage....
I am assuming that this is hard to do because of what we continue to see with couples..but we also know a lot of great examples too (like Erin and Jason). I am not giving up hope on that.
Marsha
These are great comments-thanks!
BTW, the high-waters was definitely not a money issue Jason. I could tell.
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